Naked and Not Afraid To Share It
Would you take naked pictures of yourself on your smartphone, then send them to your partner?
Five young women tell The New Paper on Sunday why they do this despite the dangers.
Loosen up. Don't be so conservative, auntie.
That is what the women told me last week.
This is after they showed TNPS the nude selfies that they had sent their boyfriends.
Many of the photos - collectively, there are more than 200 of them - are artistically shot. Most were of themselves topless on their beds or facing a mirror in the bathroom.
In some, you can see that some effort had been put into styling the shots.
Like one where one woman had cut out heart-shaped holes in her T-shirt that exposed her vital parts.
Please, we know what we are doing, insist the women, who are studying for their diploma at an arts institution.
They are open about sharing their nude selfies, or sexting, with their boyfriends.
"It's not a secret at all," says the slim and attractive Hazel Kwong.
And they do this despite the risk of the photos being leaked or used for blackmail.
Two weeks ago, electrical wireman Mani Velmuruga was jailed for 32 months after pleading guilty to nine charges of criminal intimidation. He had tricked 17 women he met online into sending him nude pictures of themselves. He threatened to post the pictures online if they did not have sex with him.
Miss Kwong, 18, claims that she was "at first very shy" about taking her nude photos.
"My boyfriend told me that his best buddy's girlfriend was doing that, and asked me if I'd consider doing the same for him," she says.
That was sometime in July last year and she had been dating Mr Leonard Koh for about six months.
Mr Koh, 19, insists that he was "only joking" and did not expect Miss Kwong to agree.
He says: "I know that she is very shy. So I was just testing the waters when I asked her."
Miss Grace Sim, 18, reckons there is no reason to get uptight over sexting.
She says: "It's not like I share them on Facebook or Instagram, or some public platform.
"I am only sending my photos to the man I love and I don't see what is wrong with that.
Based on findings from its 2014 Love, Relationships and Technology survey, Internet security company McAfee revealed last month that most adults share such details via unsecured digital devices.
Of the 1,500 US consumers polled, 54 per cent send or receive intimate content on their mobile devices. And 70 per cent of 18 to 24- year-olds receive intimate content.
Mr Koh's best friend, who wants to be known only as Denny, thinks it should be a case of "do it for the one you love".
The 19-year-old was the one who initiated the sexting with Miss Sim last year.
"We have been dating for nearly two years and it's not like I have not seen her without her clothes," he says with a straight face. And that appears to be the sentiment shared by their friends.
Says one friend, 19, who wants to be known only as Cloud: "Please lah, what age is this? If you are in a relationship, chances are you'd have sex with your partner. So how does sexting make it any worse than that?"
There's another reason she takes such selfies: Confidence in her looks.
"If you are pretty, have the assets, I don't see why you cannot flaunt it," says Cloud, who takes full body nude selfies.
"There is nothing vulgar or crude in my photos. I don't have the come-hither look in my eyes, so it's not like an invitation to sex," she explains.
Another friend, 18, who does not want to be named, says: "I love to send surprises to my boyfriend and this is one way I make sure he doesn't stray."
Her boyfriend, 21, who wants to be known only as James, says: "I'm very touched that my girlfriend wants to do that for me.
"And because of this, I will stay true to her. Not many women will be willing to please their boyfriends this way."
Miss Sim insists that the nude selfies also give them a chance to be creative.
She says: "It's not always obscene. And please, nudity does not mean it is porn."
Suggest that these nude photos could get leaked, or worst, be used as blackmail and Mr Koh retorts: "Are you trying to say we will be so unethical? That will of course not happen."
Denny chips in: "We won't be so callous as to do something like that."
And if their phones get lost?
"Nah, nothing to worry about since our phones all have pass codes and settings are done such that all data will be destroyed after a certain number of unsuccessful tries," says Miss Kwong.
But ask them if these are photos they will show their parents, and all of them laugh nervously.
Says Miss Kwong: "I guess not. But that's only because our parents are probably like you - too conservative.
"They should learn to chill."
Sexting is not safe
She and her then-boyfriend had been dating for nearly three years before she agreed to share nude photos with him.
He created an private album on his Facebook account, accessible only to her.
The web content producer, who wants to be known only as Yul, recounts: "It was not something I was comfortable with.
"But he pleaded and pleaded and said that he wanted to capture the best shots of my body for his own private viewing.
"He even tried the emotional blackmail of 'If you love me, you would do this for me'."
She started out sending him photos of herself in semi-nude poses, which he told her was "good but not visually appealing enough".
Yul, 26, says he even attempted to take photos of her when they were together at either party's home.
"I refused. I didn't want to risk the photos landing in the wrong hands," she says.
By the time she wanted to break off with the man, who is a pub singer, she had shared some 100 totally nude photos with him over a year.
Yul says: "I regret it now because I feel so powerless - I don't know if he has downloaded the photos and kept them somewhere."
Then one day, she found some nude photos that another woman had sent him in a series of WhatsApp messages.
"That was it. I told him I needed time off to consider if I wanted to continue with our relationship, but he kept telling me that he had nothing to do with the woman.
"He insisted she was the one who wanted to send him the photos, but my point was, 'You did not delete them.'"
During their cooling-off period, she was shocked to learn that he had changed the settings of the album from private to public.
"A mutual friend, who had seen the photos, called to tell me about it. I was so embarrassed because the friend is a man and he was clearly telling me he had seen my nude photos," says Yul.
She confronted her ex-boyfriend, who claimed that he had no idea how the settings were changed. But he refused to do anything about it.
Yul says: "I had to plead with him. I begged him, I even wanted to kill myself, but he was unmoved.
"He kept telling me he would not do that to the woman he loves and that I should return to his side."
In the end, Yul had no choice but to confide in her parents and her elder brother.
"They were livid - at me for my stupidity, and at him for his despicable behaviour," she says.
Finally, her parents decided to approach the man's parents and threatened to go to the police.
"Thank God his parents stepped in and made him delete the album on the spot, in their presence."
But Yul says it has been more than a year since the incident but she still lives with the fear that "he may have downloaded the photos and stored them somewhere".
She says: "I don't know when this ugly past will return to haunt me later in my life.
"My advice to all women: Don't do this for anyone. Not even if the man is your husband."
She and her then-boyfriend had been dating for nearly three years before she agreed to share nude photos with him.
He created an private album on his Facebook account, accessible only to her.
The web content producer, who wants to be known only as Yul, recounts: "It was not something I was comfortable with.
"But he pleaded and pleaded and said that he wanted to capture the best shots of my body for his own private viewing.
"He even tried the emotional blackmail of 'If you love me, you would do this for me'."
She started out sending him photos of herself in semi-nude poses, which he told her was "good but not visually appealing enough".
Yul, 26, says he even attempted to take photos of her when they were together at either party's home.
"I refused. I didn't want to risk the photos landing in the wrong hands," she says.
By the time she wanted to break off with the man, who is a pub singer, she had shared some 100 totally nude photos with him over a year.
Yul says: "I regret it now because I feel so powerless - I don't know if he has downloaded the photos and kept them somewhere."
Then one day, she found some nude photos that another woman had sent him in a series of WhatsApp messages.
"That was it. I told him I needed time off to consider if I wanted to continue with our relationship, but he kept telling me that he had nothing to do with the woman.
"He insisted she was the one who wanted to send him the photos, but my point was, 'You did not delete them.'"
During their cooling-off period, she was shocked to learn that he had changed the settings of the album from private to public.
"A mutual friend, who had seen the photos, called to tell me about it. I was so embarrassed because the friend is a man and he was clearly telling me he had seen my nude photos," says Yul.
She confronted her ex-boyfriend, who claimed that he had no idea how the settings were changed. But he refused to do anything about it.
Yul says: "I had to plead with him. I begged him, I even wanted to kill myself, but he was unmoved.
"He kept telling me he would not do that to the woman he loves and that I should return to his side."
In the end, Yul had no choice but to confide in her parents and her elder brother.
"They were livid - at me for my stupidity, and at him for his despicable behaviour," she says.
Finally, her parents decided to approach the man's parents and threatened to go to the police.
"Thank God his parents stepped in and made him delete the album on the spot, in their presence."
But Yul says it has been more than a year since the incident but she still lives with the fear that "he may have downloaded the photos and stored them somewhere".
She says: "I don't know when this ugly past will return to haunt me later in my life.
"My advice to all women: Don't do this for anyone. Not even if the man is your husband."
Parents: We'd blame ourselves if our kids did it
Anything you are too embarrassed to let your parents see, you shouldn't put on a phone or a computer.
That is the sentiment shared by the parents The New Paper on Sunday spoke to about young people sharing nude selfies online.
Writer and editor Theresa Tan, 46, says social media has become today's "new playground".
"When we were teens, it was a matter of making out at a function so that your friends see and tell everyone. Now the way to show off is to do it on FaceBook, Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr," adds the mother of three kids, two of whom are in their teens.
Lawyer Stefanie Yuen-Thio, 44, agrees that the teenage years are when young people feel the need to conform and to be cool.
"I think teenagers take risqué selfies to fit in with the 'in' crowd, without realising that one moment's impetuosity can lead to a lifetime of regret," she says.
"We parents have the responsibility to have open discussions with our kids about why it's a bad idea. But what teenager is going to respond well to parental edict?"
Mrs Darren Ong, an executive with a multinational corporation, says it is also a means of seeking attention, but from the wrong quarters.
"Some teens want to make up for the attention they lack at home. For some, they may not even care about consequences, as long as they achieve instant gratification," says the 43-year-old mother of two.
Public relations executive Lynda Moo, 48, says it is a matter of moral standards and values.
"In today's society, the younger generation is exposed to influences, which unfortunately make exposing oneself less of the exception," she says.
"Naked selfies are a prime example of not only these standards, however low they may be, but also an acceptance of how they'll be circulated."
Anything you are too embarrassed to let your parents see, you shouldn't put on a phone or a computer.
That is the sentiment shared by the parents The New Paper on Sunday spoke to about young people sharing nude selfies online.
Writer and editor Theresa Tan, 46, says social media has become today's "new playground".
"When we were teens, it was a matter of making out at a function so that your friends see and tell everyone. Now the way to show off is to do it on FaceBook, Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr," adds the mother of three kids, two of whom are in their teens.
Lawyer Stefanie Yuen-Thio, 44, agrees that the teenage years are when young people feel the need to conform and to be cool.
"I think teenagers take risqué selfies to fit in with the 'in' crowd, without realising that one moment's impetuosity can lead to a lifetime of regret," she says.
"We parents have the responsibility to have open discussions with our kids about why it's a bad idea. But what teenager is going to respond well to parental edict?"
Mrs Darren Ong, an executive with a multinational corporation, says it is also a means of seeking attention, but from the wrong quarters.
"Some teens want to make up for the attention they lack at home. For some, they may not even care about consequences, as long as they achieve instant gratification," says the 43-year-old mother of two.
Public relations executive Lynda Moo, 48, says it is a matter of moral standards and values.
"In today's society, the younger generation is exposed to influences, which unfortunately make exposing oneself less of the exception," she says.
"Naked selfies are a prime example of not only these standards, however low they may be, but also an acceptance of how they'll be circulated."
Ms Tan says these are today's "street values" among the young.
"Just as virginity was the value girls and boys of our time wanted least to have, these days it's the same - prudishness is a negative value," she says.
Engineer Edgar Look, 52, a father of three daughters, says if they did it for a dare, then "it's a dumb move as it would give the receiver of the nudies the upper hand over you".
When it comes to their own children, all the parents say they will first blame themselves should the kids indulge in naked selfies. Ms Moo said she will not know what she will do if she were to catch either of her girls doing this.
"It's really not something I've thought about nor can envisage. I hope I've taught them enough to know how privacy can be so easily invaded and not to expose themselves to such dire consequences," she adds.
"I will freak out and will blame myself for not doing enough to prevent it," Mrs Ong says, adding that she may even make a police report.
Ms Yuen-Thio says she will not pre-judge but sit down with her son and ask what he thought about the girl and why she did it.
"If she did it to impress him, I would ask him to consider if he's doing anything to create the impression that this kind of behaviour would be attractive to him. If however she's doing it because she likes to, I would discourage him from spending time with her and insist that he delete the photos and let her know that he had done so."
Ms Tan says she would "have a talk and together with my husband, address what we have seen and ask for an explanation".
"We will then set the boundaries again - no naked pictures ever and explain why it's wrong and how they are hurting themselves. We would insist on meeting the girlfriend or boyfriend and parents to talk," she adds.
"Just as virginity was the value girls and boys of our time wanted least to have, these days it's the same - prudishness is a negative value," she says.
Engineer Edgar Look, 52, a father of three daughters, says if they did it for a dare, then "it's a dumb move as it would give the receiver of the nudies the upper hand over you".
When it comes to their own children, all the parents say they will first blame themselves should the kids indulge in naked selfies. Ms Moo said she will not know what she will do if she were to catch either of her girls doing this.
"It's really not something I've thought about nor can envisage. I hope I've taught them enough to know how privacy can be so easily invaded and not to expose themselves to such dire consequences," she adds.
"I will freak out and will blame myself for not doing enough to prevent it," Mrs Ong says, adding that she may even make a police report.
Ms Yuen-Thio says she will not pre-judge but sit down with her son and ask what he thought about the girl and why she did it.
"If she did it to impress him, I would ask him to consider if he's doing anything to create the impression that this kind of behaviour would be attractive to him. If however she's doing it because she likes to, I would discourage him from spending time with her and insist that he delete the photos and let her know that he had done so."
Ms Tan says she would "have a talk and together with my husband, address what we have seen and ask for an explanation".
"We will then set the boundaries again - no naked pictures ever and explain why it's wrong and how they are hurting themselves. We would insist on meeting the girlfriend or boyfriend and parents to talk," she adds.
The psychiatrist says:
They crave affection and attention, so many seek love online.
Such women tend to be more vulnerable and easily manipulated, so others prey on their neediness, says Dr Adrian Wang, a consultant psychiatrist at Gleneagles Medical Centre.
"Also, being online sometimes gives people a 'bubble' mentality. They tend to forget that everything they say or do online can be made public.
"Yet they continue to be lulled into a false sense of complacency that what they say or do is private - which is not the case," he explains.
Dr Wang also says emotions get the better of some when they think they are "deeply in love".
"And in the heat of passion, a woman tends to do something impulsive, like sending naked photos of herself, which she may regret later."
The sociologist says:
With the onslaught of information of different cultures and subcultures online, it is not surprising that the youth of today are more liberal in their outlook and values when it comes to nude selfies.
Associate Professor Patrick Williams, a sociologist from the School of Humanities and Social Sciences at Nanyang Technological University, says it is easy for young people to learn, understand and sometimes assimilate with the many cultures brought into homes through the Internet and social media, and some of these cultures have different values.
He says not everyone is skittish or conservative about his or her own naked body.
And while there is a lot of focus on why women disrobe for selfies, he says not enough questions are raised on why the boys are asking for these photos.
The lawyer says:
While it is against the law to keep, distribute or sell pornographic materials under the Undesirable Publications Act and the Penal Code, the authorities have discretion on who deserves to be prosecuted and who deserves to be slapped on the wrist, says lawyer Chia Boon Teck.
"For young women sending out personal pictures to another individual for some harmless personal fun, the authorities are unlikely to prosecute them as that seems rather harsh," Mr Chia says.
"For men who exploit and abuse such pictures, their intent and motivation deserve condemnation and their chances of being prosecuted are high."
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